Being laid off from LiveJournal really is comparable to the end of a relationship. We were friends for 5 years before dating for 3, and can still be friends. And it was harder than any breakup I've had because of the sudden and unexpected end. I didn't want to see other people, couldn't fathom the idea of being happy with anyone else. It didn't seem possible. And the stupid relationship neurosis of "but who else would want to love me?"

But I've had time away to heal, and I've been noticing others—prospectives and potentials that I'd like to get to know intimately too. Though you'll always hold a special place in my heart, I'm ready to move on and commit to someone new.

My ditl submission. Their theme for this week is "under". Undervalued, misunderstood, oh there are so many unders that could work here.

[x] 018. ditl photolog for a special day

009/101 completed

( 01/09/09 - last day at the LiveJournal office )

It was practically empty out in this normally busy neighborhood, and the sky was hazy when we walked over to Specialty's yesterday for feel better cookies. Everything looked fake, like it was part of a dream. I wish.

The last few days have been.. somewhere between a squiggly line and roller coaster of emotions. It hasn't all sunk in yet, and until it does, I can't move on and do the things I'll need to do to ensure that I'll still have a place to live and food to eat after this month. I'm mostly still feeling numb and not feeling.

I'm seriously starting to think that there's something physically wrong with me. The emotional part is there to trigger the crying, but my eyes will barely even mist up. And it's the happy kind of tears now, though I still want my big breakdown cry.

I am amazed at all the comments to my lj_design post, and I'm glad that I did end up posting it. The things complete strangers are saying, people whose usernames and userpics I don't recognize and thus don't think I've actually interacted with one-on-one are saying such nice things. Things like this and this:

I don't know what to say. I feel so sad and speechless. You don't know me, but I feel as though I somewhat know you. I always loved seeing your entries and finding out what new improvements you were up to. I even ventured to your LJ occasionally to see if you'd posted anything funny, interesting, or any new beautiful photos publicly. You seem like such a wonderful, beautiful person inside and out and I love the way just about everything you posted made me smile. Typing this now brings tears to my eyes for it really feels like goodbye. I think I speak for many people when I say that I hope you still use your LJ and post in various places despite all of this. As it is, your posts here will truly be missed. *huge gentle loving huggles* I hope they'll decide they want you back sooner than later.

And the things people who do know me have been doing... I want to cry. So much love, and still the majority of what I feel is still numb and anger and numb.

and I don't really know what else to say anymore.

I would really like to cry right now, but the tears still wont come. This was great 7 months ago, when anger was more appropriate, but I need to cry and I fucking can't. I guess something in me really did shut down.

I'm still in Denial, and flitting into Anger a bit. Can I please wake up tomorrow and find that this was all just some horrible nightmare? Because, fuck!

( What does LiveJournal mean to you? Has that changed since you started your LiveJournal account? )
( Share a memorable real life moment that happened because of LiveJournal. )

We just moved back up to the third floor... to different seating arrangements. I like my new boss (and his mad rad hair) but now the engineers are far away, and I'm not close to any windows. Not that we didn't mostly just IM anyway, even when we were 5ft apart. We'll just have to have really loud conversations across the room.

My current set-up:


Unlike the last 3 times, I didn't cut myself on the metal cord slot things this time \o/

I have a cork board and shelf again. Save for ryanestrada's frankthecomic, it's empty. Send me stuff to put up. Postcards, letters, pictures, drawings... anything you send, I'll put up. (unless it smells bad)

Stacey Leung
c/o LiveJournal, Inc.
576 Folsom St.
San Francisco, CA 94105

2 years today.
Think I'll make it to 3?

Pet Peeve: When LiveJournal is spelled wrong. One word, no space.
Random Trivia: My hire date and burr86's hire date are 6 days apart.

I have shaped eyebrows again. I should have tried threading a long time ago. I've given myself papercuts that have hurt more than this.

I had myself a weekend. I didn't think about work once (ok, I did, but only a few times). Hung out in Berkeley on Saturday, and retail therapy in the city today. I didn't actually spend that much, mostly because I couldn't find enough things I liked that also worked on me. I did end up with a new tee and 2 babydoll tops though. Work clothes would have been more practical, but not thinking about work.

And if last week wasn't enough to confuse me about what day/time it was, hello daylight savings. Doesn't this usually come later in the year?

We moved desks last Friday (6A re-org). Now I'm on the other side of the divider (yes, part of my moving strategy consisted of tossing things over it), where everything is reversed. It's been a week, but I still feel backwards. I'm also twice as close to janinedog and henrylyne now – haven't decided if that's a good thing or not yet O;)

Also, my amaryllis seems to be doing well. Or well, it was last week. Flowers kept opening up every time I turned around, but since I've started paying attention to it, it's not doing anything. I haven't noticed any changes this week. 2 of the 4 flowers are starting to wilt now.

I haven't worked worked in a week, and it'll be another half-week before I go back to the office. I feel like I'm in school again, on Winter Break. This is my longest work vacation (so far), and that's what I relate it to. It's the same mix of rushrushrush holiday get-togethers, and moments of boredom at home, lazy days and getting things done days.

And being sick. I don't think I've had this nasty a cold in a long time.

The thing with spectralbovine reminded me of another random chance happening I haven't written about yet. I need a tag for these.

Back in June, I saw that an unfamiliar username commented on lj_core. Of course, the first thing I did was look at the profile and userpics to see if either of those revealed the person's identity. It didn't, but a bolded name in the list of friends caught my attention, especially since it wasn't someone from 6A, and someone I knew irl at that. So then I checked out the list of schools, and yup, he went to UCSC too. It's possible that sodabrew and I have met before and didn't know. And by random chance, ended up working for the same company.

It really is a small world sometimes.

me: remember back when everyone was photoshopping themselves with lightsabers?
me: if i were to do that with a keyblade, would that be ultimate dorkdom that i should never show anyone? :D
him: lol
him: well you prolly already did it
him: so lemme see
him: lol
me: not yet
me: i just thought about it

This was an IM conversation we had last Thursday, before the big news that replaced Kingdom Hearts as the Main Thing On My Mind. It's been a little over a week since I've touched the game; I'm still outside that last door. I am finishing it this weekend tomorrow.

I have been so confused about what day it is. Last Friday felt like a Monday or Tuesday, and the weekend didn't feel like a weekend since I spent both days at the office. Monday felt like it was supposed to be a Friday because of the party and because I missed the weekend.

Today is my Friday. I'm taking tomorrow the next two days off. Kingdom Hearts and movies and silly, non-serious fun things is The Plan.

I am incredibly touched by all the people who have said in some form or another that they're glad I'm staying with LJ (Inc.). I could never leave LiveJournal (the service); I'm too attached to it. I think that plays a big part into why I enjoy working on it so much. I hope the day never comes when I'm spit out worn and cynical.

I am so glad that the others who have transferred over to LJ Inc. have too, and even more sad about those who haven't. I'm also going to miss people from 6A too, but not until we move ;)

It still feels so surreal, it's still sinking in (more detailed post when it does), but I am excited about what's coming, and more resources!

I now work for LiveJournal, Inc., and am no longer an employee of Six Apart.
See news for more details.

swept up and still spinning.
& i think i'm starting to like wine now.
drunk. that's all i know really, until the rest sinks in.
it might be a while.

we had dinner at il fornaio tonight.

also, new userpic.
(it's okay if you don't get it)

And there were supposed to be fresh-planted graves on Frank's patch of grass, along with veroz's Zombie Frank from last year.
*looks at burr86* but i forgot too, so.

New /customize has officially launched! So much <333 to janinedog for search (and everything else).

So, in the UI, I'm credited by my name. On the themes, it's my username. I like having it display with the lj user tag. But there's no lj user tag on the UI side, so I like my name better there. But I think it should be the same because if you search "chasethestars", it won't come up with anything (and how would you know to search "Stacey Leung" instead?).

How much did I have to drink? I feel way more drunk than I think I should be right now. My head and heart are throbbing, and I can feel my heartbeat on my thumb. I don't think I had that much sake. 3 or 4 cups I think? 5? And that Stoli Vanilla lemon drop was pretty good. I think I drank more tonight than I have in the last 2 years combined.

Random fact: unlike most people, I can type as well drunk as I can sober.

Also, why am I suddenly so hungry? I know I ate. A lot. Mmmmm sushi. And I really liked that buttery fish that came on the pretty glass plate. What was that called again?