Dear L,

You are the only person I've ever felt this way about and the only person who I'll probably ever say this about. Maybe it's the way you always interfere with my happiness and maybe it's the way that you destroy my safe foundations that I try to get control of, but you make me want to destroy you. I want you to be depressed and I want you to go away. It's horrible, I know. I never thought I'd think of you this way; we used to be the best of friends. It's only when I hear about you using my other friend and stealing her away that I have this rage against you.

It's scary that you bring out these feelings in me. No one else ever has. It makes me feel horrible and it scares me that I have these feelings. I want to beat you up and make you understand, but I know that if we actually starting talking again we'd be the best of friends.
I want it, but then again...I don't. But I do, and this is all really just confusing.

I have to thank you, though. You are the one who makes my friendships with others stronger and if it wasn't for you, I'd be literally nothing right now and probably dead.

Ugh. At least I admitted it. D;

Someday,
me

P.S.
I still don't forgive you for bailing out on us right before the con. I'd been waiting on that all year and the fact that you rub it in everyone's faces just makes me mad. Also, getting a haircut was totally our idea. Not yours.

Dear Best Friend,

You really do this to me.
I'm so happy I decided to look past things. Today was fun, but you started it off bad. What gave you the right to throw a bitchfit when I was the one you treated like shit?

Angsdgsffffffff,
me

Dear J and N,

Thanks for today. Really didn't want to see K today and his new girlfriend, but she was cute and sweet.
I feel like I go around this whole group, lol. That's probably a bad thing.
Move here soon. I need you guys.

Awkward later,
me

In the last 24 hours, I posted the following to Twitter:

• Friday, 0041: I'm at Mission St & 16th St - http://bkite.com/09biK
• Friday, 0051: 16 & Mission BART station outside elevator smells like pee, man. HE... - Mission St & 16th St, San Francisco, CA, - http://bkite.com/09bjm
• Friday, 0058: I'm at Daly City Bart - http://bkite.com/09bjU
• Friday, 0101: @teshiron has declared the platform 3 elevator the slowest ever. - Daly City Bart, Daly City, CA, - http://bkite.com/09bk6
• Friday, 0156: #mythbusters Jamie sighting on @sfbart: http://www.bart.gov/news/articles/2009/news20090327.aspx
( read the other 33 )

Follow me on Twitter.

Lyra: Brave defender of the underpants
Originally uploaded by coffeechica

She has no idea she's about to be Furminated and bathed.

Last night, Rachel (harriettheelf) and I went to a show at Cafe du Nord. I am not up for a full-scale narrative post, but I think it deserves a short write-up. And music downloads!

The opener was local boy Ryan Auffenberg, whom Rachel identified as "so San Francisco" because of his skinny build, sneakers, blue jeans, shirt with rolled-up sleeves, and general awkward mien. He was not bad, but he was not really my thing, since out of the influences CD Baby lists—Americana, jazz, blues, soul, and rock—I only like the last one. I really liked the bassist, though; he had such nimble fingers that his bassline was a song in itself. But he had a very unfortunate crotch patch on his pants. It was quite distracting.

The co-headliner was Emilie Simon. Now, I had gotten a couple Emilie Simon songs from audiography, and they were very tinkly and ethereal, cold (appropriate since the titles were "The Frozen World" and "To the Dancers on the Ice"). They hardly seemed like songs. So I didn't know how that would play live. As it turned out, those songs were both from the March of the Penguins soundtrack, which explained the coldness. Onstage, it was just Emilie Simon, a little LED light box that displayed geometric patterns to the beat, her keyboard, and her laptop. And even though it was just her, she commanded the small stage all by herself. To my surprise, the music she played was twenty times more upbeat than the two songs I knew, and I quite liked it! She said most of it was off her upcoming album.

Apparently she's been described as the French Björk, and I can see that. She has an unusual voice, but she's a great singer, and her music is a little out there, composed of a lot of electronic percussion and various sounds along with her keyboard. And she has a STEAMPUNK ARM. It was fascinating. On her left arm, she wore what looked like a falconer's gauntlet, a leather sleeve all up her arm. But it also had a couple knobs that she turned to create reverb and echo with her voice. But it also had a pocket watch dangling from behind her elbow, along with a random chain. Look at this crazy thing! It was without a doubt the most amazing accessory I'd ever seen someone wear onstage at a concert. (I hesitate to say the most amazing thing, period, because I've seen Of Montreal three times.)

It was her first time ever playing in San Francisco, and she gave us many a "Merci beaucoup" after our applause. She was totally adorable and precious; Rachel wanted to pinch her cheek. Rachel likened her to Regina Spektor, but I think she is crazy. Maybe. Her music was quite fun and dance-able, but she ended her encore with an awesome cover of "Come As You Are." It was so lovely and creepy. I found it more interesting than Tori Amos's cover of "Smells Like Teen Spirit"; it reminds me of Emm Gryner's awesome cover of "I'll Stick Around."

The woman we'd come to see, however, was Butterfly Boucher, although Rachel had to leave early since she'd been up for seventeen hours. Butterfly Boucher is Australian, adding some more international flavor to the night. Her debut album, Flutterby, has no bad songs and is fun and clever, but it had been years since that album had come out. Now, she was releasing Scary Fragile. Like Emilie Simon, she was alone on the stage. She had her guitar and a red pedal that functioned as her band. She apologized for being self-indulgent and playing mostly songs from the new album, but she said it was time for us to learn them anyway. On first listen, I didn't love the new songs as much as I loved the old songs, but a few did catch my ear, like "I Found Out" and "Gun for a Tongue." She sounded great and clearly enjoyed rocking out onstage. The only old songs she played were "I Can't Make Me," "Another White Dash" (of course), and, as an encore, "Life Is Short," which is one of my very favorites. It was more fun to sing along to the ones I knew.

Afterwards, I bought the CD and waited for Butterfly to come out so I could get it signed. I told her that I had seen her play at a Borders in Ann Arbor five years ago, and she commented on how long ago that was. She remembered playing a couple Borders back then. I said that I had asked for an autograph for my brother—who had introduced me to her—and she had drawn a picture of the concert with her on stage and a row of seats in the front with a little arrow pointing to where he should have been. It was the cutest autograph ever. She thanked me for coming out, and I said it was great to have another album. It had actually been done a while ago (like 2006), but she'd had trouble getting it released. Like most singer/songwriters, she's very personable and easy to talk to and appreciative of her fans. And she has an accent!

http://joule.marnanel.org/chart/lj/chasethestars/2009-07-04

Friended by: 1: morozych
Unfriended by: None.
See the last month as a chart or graph.

The dogs wish America a HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

First stalkingsilence
Second: sprytaen	Third: athinker
Theme emeraldetoile

My step-dad has extra days off for the 4th of July, so almost last moment, we decided to get a hotel in Foley for a night and spend two days at the beach in Gulf Shores. It was awesome. The beach is packed, of course, but it was fun. Much better than the pool here at the apartment, which gets too hot. I think we overdid the beach on the second day and we are all burnt. Sunscreen doesn't help here much. I even applied sunscreen on my face twice, and it's still red. Tomorrow we are going to USS Alabama Battleship to watch the fireworks, which should be fun. I've seen signs about this battleship and step-dad thought it would be cool to go, but we never did.

How do you plan to celebrate 4th of July this year?



I've gotten another interview the other day. It's a Staff Accountant with a local nursing home (they have four locations, three in Mobile, one in Huntsville); sounds pretty good from what they told me. One thing that was sort of different is they asked me to fill out a personality test using DISC method. Apparently, everyone (including myself) perceive me as a Specialist, and when I'm under stress I'm an Investigator. More or less accurate based on what those mean. The interviewers said they don't see many Investigators. Not sure if that's good or bad, but they did mention it's not something you can either pass or fail. Just a way for them to figure out how to relate to others. If you have a problem with some co-worker, they'd be able to explain how to act around them, what offends, etc.



Speaking of jobs... If I get an email advertising a job opportunity that's too good to be true (Accounting position doing both AR and AP, work from home, $5,000-10,000 USD a month, requires at least 10 hours of work a week - I made calculations that's like $125 an hour). Well, do I respond or ignore it as there must be a catch to this, it's too good to be true? I've ignored it for now, just being careful...



Can ant bites cause itching all over? The other day, I stepped into their nest apparently, and had at least 25 bites in the foot before I could shake them off. Two hours later or so, I was itching and red all over. I wonder if that was a reaction to those bites...



I saw a snake in the same place too (the subdivision where we'll be building the house); it scared me. I wouldn't even notice it but then it moved very suddenly, and you know how they move... It was black. I'm thinking it's either black racer or black rat snake. Apparently there are a lot of snakes here. My mom saw a snake in another new subdivision that is just being built too.



I've read fanfics, but I've never seen fan-movies before, and this one is amazing. I'm very impressed. See the trailer; watch the movie. If you have seen other good fan-movies, please recommend in comments!



So lately, I've been interested in the so-called "Great Books". I just found a series of videos on Youtube about Great Books, which seems like a good resource: http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=4FF089248ADC424F Which Great Books have you read and recommend?

Dear C,

I'm sorry that when you're talking about how great a screw your new boy is, I don't exactly have a lot to say on the subject. I'm not that interested in your -- or ANYBODY'S -- sex life, and I can't exactly empathize with what it's like to be in a quasi-relationship. :\ Sorry. I'll let you ramble, but I probably won't have a lot to say.


Dear RP Partners,

YOU FUCKING FRUSTRATE ME! D< STILL!


Dear Hank Green,

Your songs make me feel a bagillion times better. :D

 dear you,
i dont like you like that.
i dont like anyone like that.
i just want a friend.
love (but not like that),
me

dear me,
is it safe to go?you only saw the guy a day,and the rest is just talking online.and im so stressed,my friend's pissed/jealous about this,even when im just going out for a movie with him and HE OWED ME A TREAT.i totally want to go for the treat only,but HOW?sighhhhh.but you still agreed to go right?

me.

dear you,
i really shouldnt have told you any of this.its really saddening for you,i know.but i refuse to believe he's interested.BECAUSE HE'S NOT.no he's not. im sorry,this just made you even worse right? :( i cant wait for tomorrow.

love,
me.

Stop it. Stop shaking this feeble foundation I am trying to set up for my life. So what if he changes? I am changing too. He told me how he felt. It has not changed. A year and a half and I still love him. The intensity is gone...but there is no one else who knows me/can put up with me like he does. Even if there is, I am too tired to try and get to know someone else. If this doesn't work...I am through. I will be a full time auntie, sister and daughter. Stop scaring me mom. Stop causing me to second guess him and me. We're not perfect. We know this. We want to make this relationship our own. Stop it. Either be happy that I have found someone who can keep up or say nothing at all. The cryptic "I'm just waiting to see what God does" "I'm just waiting to see what ___________ does"

I am sick of it. I need to move before I get sucked into your vortex completely.

frustrated love,
Your daughter

Boyfriend/Best friend-
I love you. I love it when you call, when you laugh, when you smile, when you make lame jokes, when you tell me you are making shadow puppets. I love you. Some days I don't. Some days I think I am making the biggest mistake of my life. Some days I think "what if there is something better?"
Then I look at my surroundings...and I know that there isn't. I want to hold you. I wish I knew how you felt about me. I need positive reinforcement.
always yours (whether we are together or not)
your girlfriend

Dear Tuesday,
I actually can't wait, it's going to be one of the best days ever!
Please don't rain.
- Harry Potter fan

Dear C,
You scared me.
Although now i'm more worried about you.
I really hope it wasn't what you thought it was.
I want to give you a hug, but that's impossible, you're too far away.
So concider yourself virtually 'hugged' until we meet Tuesday :)
- your friend who is a tad freaked out

( You are about to view content that may not be appropriate for minors. )

Dear Self,
I'm so proud of you. You've been so happy and so brave. You've made a million new friends you never would have made before. You talk about things instead of keeping them inside. You're open-minded, happy, just okay with everything and everyone. You're embracing who you are, slowly of course, but hey, it's definitely something. You're doing amazing.

Love ya.

...mn,

thanks for telling me his facebook says "single" now... that's probably the best grounding breaking news of the year for me! sorry i've been blah about wanting to make the trip down to your place, it's not your fault.. i do it to everyone :P

...cz,

that story.. as depressing as it was, was funny as hell though! ... sorry for laughing, but wow... talk about getting f***ed up by your ex, that is just, HUMILIATING! and the fact that everyone but you knew? .. oh man! i'm shocked it took you so long to get over it, she was a total b****! ... what i've been thinking about for a while, now, is... WHATS UP!??!! i mean, you'll get in this talkative mode and then you'll just disappear on me, our friendship has been like that for years, it's no wonder i stopped messaging you for so long.. i know you wanna hang out, but take some damn initiative! i've always liked you... but don't be such a p**** about things!

...df,

you're back! wow!!! it's been... almost 3 years since we last spoke! i know everything is great with your life, but i wish you still had the band...

...ml,

i finally got the nerve to look you up, and i'm glad to see that things are moving forward... but a part of me is also annoyed by it. i know you trashed me the last time we were together (something that happens fairly too often) but you were... harsh. i've never gotten over that completely, and i don't wanna hold this grudge forever. i want to be happy, without having to rub it in your face. you clearly moved on, so i should too.

...cc,

you are the funniest person i know.. i laughed more this week than i have in years... you're awesome! i don't get how you can be so depressed! cheer up, damnit! ..and i know you'll never believe me if i tell you this, but sex isnt everything! lol

...jn,

i know you want to hang out again, but that seems faily hard to do now a days... with everything that's been going on with me and my family, it may take a while before i set something for real.

...jb,

why are so distant? :|

Minor rant:

Why is it beyond most clothing shops to produce woman's business trousers that are 1) not polyester and 2) possess a) pockets and b) belt loops? Why is it so impossible to produce plain black, brown or grey trousers in a range of sizes, lengths and cuts? (Oh, cuts. I'm pretty straight through the hips and thin in the thighs, so for something cut for an "average woman" to button up at the waist, it has great flapping saddlebags with me hidden somewhere far beneath.)
And why polyester? It feels so cheap and nasty, and yet they charge enough for it...Pretty much the only place I've found that sells decent trousers is the Gap (cotton trousers, in three lengths, with skinny and curvy and my own long and lean cut, hurrah). What I'll do if they change lines or go out of business I can't think.

Anyone else out there female and suffering under the confines of business casual, where do you get your trousers, if you wear them? (Skirts have the skinny-leg problem again: if they're loose I look like something on a stick, and if they're too fitted they go out too much over the hips.)

Boys only think they've got it hard -- geekboys are notoriously allergic to business casual and will subvert it where possible. I was discussing work with one of the boys from my team and he remarked, "I hate having to wear trousers. [beat] I mean, trousers that aren't jeans."

Was waylaid by a disciple of L. Ron Hubbard on my way home. I was concentrating on extricating myself without saying So, really, the planet Zog?, but in perfect esprit d'escalier I thought of what I ought to have said before I reached the end of the road: So, I have to pay to belong to your religion? You know, mine is completely free. You don't have to pay a penny, and you don't have to become a good person first.

Why is it that I say stupid things without thinking, and can't think of non-stupid ones when I ought to?

http://www.spoofee.com/index.php?section=deal&did=595873

Amazon.com has Batman Begins Limited Edition Gift Set Blu-Ray for only $14.49.

Movie has a rating of 4.5/5.0 from 1291 reviews

Pricegrabber Price : $32.39 ~ $49.99 Shipped

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Dear men,

Just a few hints:

1)  If you're going to make a pass at me while I'm working, please, please, please try to be subtle about it.  I'm on camera and I'm surrounded by co-workers.  I don't want to have to explain/discuss your awkward, uncomfortable advances with anyone else on the planet.  Save us both our dignity.

2)  I try really hard to believe that I don't look like a whore, especially at work.  It's 3am, I'm tired, I'm starving, I've got my hair in a bun, I'm not wearing any cosmetics, and my uniform is mannish and awkwardly fitted.  Please don't let our first interactions of all time be about which position you'd do me in.  I am 100% Not That Kind Of Girl.

3)  I grind my teeth every time someone calls me "sexy," because it's cheap and inaccurate.  Think of my enamel.  Pick a milder term.  Again, I am pretty clearly Not That Kind of Girl.

4)  Look, kid.  I appreciate shiny machines as much as the next girl, but don't drag me away from one of my tasks so I can come admire your car.  Yes, go you, you have a sexy Mercedes-Benz convertible.  That doesn't garner you enough points to make up for the fact that you are trying to woo me USING YOUR CAR.  Get some new material!


Adrift in a sea of awkwardness,
Naomi

Dear anyone that may care,
I have an item in my possession. If you see me with this certain item... It means that I'm struggling, or hurting. I always have the strong happy face on because I won't let people see me weak. But if you see me with this item, you know the real secret now. This item is my cry out for help. I won't tell any one what this item is (no worries it's nothing illegal). But I just thought you should know.
Reaching over for said item,
Me